Today as I'm watching the Indianapolis 500, I started thinking about how the race is like our adoption process. Right now we are in our first few laps of the race. No doubt there will be pit stops, cautions, fast speeds and slow speeds along the way. We hope we don't encounter any accidents, red flags or black flags. Our goal is to finish the race strong and bring home the prize. Just like the Indy drivers, we feel like the adopion process just goes in circles, repeating similar actions over and over. Then, just when you feel you are making progress, another large envelop of forms to be completed arrives. We did know that it would be this way - we were prepared - or so we thought. Just like those drivers, we've done our homework, we've prepared our hearts & minds, but that still does not prevent the feeling of being on the race track going in circles and getting no where.
What I think I'm learning is that even when we don't think that we see any progress, the miles are clicking by. The race is progessing. Before long, we'll be at 100 miles, then 200 miles and so on. While the adoption process will take longer than 3 - 4 hours, unlike an Indy race, we need to run our adoption race by taking it 1 mile, 1 day at a time. We need to let things happen in God's time, not our time. We need to remember to run this race with God as our coach and with God's plan.
So you may be wondering how our race is progressing. Here's where we are today. Our Home Study should be officially starting this week. We have submitted the first set of
required paper to our SC agency that will be doing our home study and also initial application paperwork to our agency in NC that will handle the Philippines adoption process. I spoke with our case worker and we are very excited to get started.
A week ago, Brian & I went on a 5 day cruise for our 20th anniversary - that Brian planned for us last summer. It was a wonderful time for us to reconnect and refresh. The adoption process will be long so we really needed that time away to recharge our batteries for the long haul ahead. On the trip, God provided us with a nice confirmation of our journey. Our cabin steward was a wonderful guy from the Philippines names Marvin. He was such a wonderful guy, so helpful and nice. Of all the cabins on the ship, of all the passengers and all the cabin stewards - Marvin was ours. That's just how God works - giving you little signs of His plan in the most unusual ways and places. As my good friend Nanci would say "That's just how Big My God is".
I think our next steps will be filing out more paperwork, meeting with our case worker, waiting, waiting and waiting. In the meantime, I'll also begin to work on grant applications (which cannot be filed until after the home study is done & approved), fundraising ideas and being in prayer. We are still searching for our child. The 2 girls that originally sparked our interest are not available at this time so we are waiting and watching for God to bring us our child. Really at this point in the process, knowing our child would not make much difference in what we need to do but it would just give us a face for the process. For now, we'll just have to keep our eyes on God and keep Him as our focus.
Thanks for all of your support, love, prayers and encouragement during this process. We cannot even begin to express how much it means to us. Now it is time to get back to the race and back to the paperwork.
For His Glory!!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Losing To Gain
So when you are dealing with a International Adoption there are a lot of crazy rules and criteria - most of which I'm not sure I fully understand. But those countries have the kids - so they get to make the rules - I guess. Most of the criteria is not a big deal but there is one health stipulation for the Philippines that is going to be a challenge. One of their requirements is that the parents must have a BMI less than 35 - each. Brian, of course - is in good shape but I'm in real trouble. Anyone that has seen me in recent years can probably guess that I am currently not meeting that requirement. As much as it pains me to say, my BMI is sitting at 40.2. That's a lot of weight for this 5 foot, 2 inch frame. So unless I can grow 5 inches, I need to reduce my weight to at least 190. Currently that would be a 30 pound lose. Not impossible but it's not going to be easy.
So 2 1/2 weeks ago when we started this adoption journey I was weighing in at 227.6. This morning I weighed in at 220.2. So progress is being made but it is really hard. I am such an emotional eater. Food is my comfort of choice - M&M's, cookies, brownies, chips, etc. If it's junk, it's high on my list of "go to" foods. I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm trying to solve work problems, I eat when I need a little break from work, I eat when I get upset, I eat when I get stressed. Basically I tend to visit the kitchen a lot as evidenced by the extra 50+ pounds I have put on in just the last 5 years.
What about exercise? Work has been in a lay off mode for the past 3-4 years so I have felt like I have needed to be at my desk 24/7. I've been working on several conversions for the past 2 years that require a lot of lunch time meetings and sometimes late hours. So, when I do get a few minutes of down time - hitting the gym in our basement is just not the top of my priority list. I'm tired, I just want to veg on the couch with my comfort food. It's a terrible cycle of my own making all wrapped up in my laziness and excuses.
What can a girl like me do? I have got to change my ways or we may miss the wonderful child that God has waiting for us. That change started on 4/17 when I started keeping a journal of my food & exercise. I also started on 4/21 on Body by Vi . It's a meal replacement shake program - similar to Slim Fast and many other programs. I'm doing 2 shakes a day (breakfast & lunch) with a small dinner. I also must get back to regular exercise - making it a priority. It's not going to be easy and I really, really, really have to fight off the urge to run to the kitchen for comfort junk. There are still going to be bad days but I have to not dwell on them and just work harder.
The reward will be so worth the pain. Not only will I reduce my weight so that I can pass the BMI requirement to be able to bring home our child but I am going to get healthy for Brian & the boys. Plus I just might like myself again and gain that confidence that I lost many years ago when the pounds started to pack on . Looks like a win, win for everyone!!! The road is going to be hard and daily I will be crying out to God for his help. This is a God size task that is only going to be accomplish with God's intervention. I know that with God on my side, there is nothing that I cannot accomplish and nothing that I cannot overcome.
I guess this means we are on 2 journey's. We have our adoption journey and a weight loss journey. Soon these two paths are going to cross and after that our lives are going to be changed forever - one way or another.
So 2 1/2 weeks ago when we started this adoption journey I was weighing in at 227.6. This morning I weighed in at 220.2. So progress is being made but it is really hard. I am such an emotional eater. Food is my comfort of choice - M&M's, cookies, brownies, chips, etc. If it's junk, it's high on my list of "go to" foods. I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm trying to solve work problems, I eat when I need a little break from work, I eat when I get upset, I eat when I get stressed. Basically I tend to visit the kitchen a lot as evidenced by the extra 50+ pounds I have put on in just the last 5 years.
What about exercise? Work has been in a lay off mode for the past 3-4 years so I have felt like I have needed to be at my desk 24/7. I've been working on several conversions for the past 2 years that require a lot of lunch time meetings and sometimes late hours. So, when I do get a few minutes of down time - hitting the gym in our basement is just not the top of my priority list. I'm tired, I just want to veg on the couch with my comfort food. It's a terrible cycle of my own making all wrapped up in my laziness and excuses.
What can a girl like me do? I have got to change my ways or we may miss the wonderful child that God has waiting for us. That change started on 4/17 when I started keeping a journal of my food & exercise. I also started on 4/21 on Body by Vi . It's a meal replacement shake program - similar to Slim Fast and many other programs. I'm doing 2 shakes a day (breakfast & lunch) with a small dinner. I also must get back to regular exercise - making it a priority. It's not going to be easy and I really, really, really have to fight off the urge to run to the kitchen for comfort junk. There are still going to be bad days but I have to not dwell on them and just work harder.
The reward will be so worth the pain. Not only will I reduce my weight so that I can pass the BMI requirement to be able to bring home our child but I am going to get healthy for Brian & the boys. Plus I just might like myself again and gain that confidence that I lost many years ago when the pounds started to pack on . Looks like a win, win for everyone!!! The road is going to be hard and daily I will be crying out to God for his help. This is a God size task that is only going to be accomplish with God's intervention. I know that with God on my side, there is nothing that I cannot accomplish and nothing that I cannot overcome.
I guess this means we are on 2 journey's. We have our adoption journey and a weight loss journey. Soon these two paths are going to cross and after that our lives are going to be changed forever - one way or another.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
20 Years And Counting
Today marks the 20th year since Brian & I said "I Do". So as we wait for this next chapter to begin - a new 20 years and a family addition in the future, I just have to reflect on where we've been and how we got to where we are today.
I can't believe how fast the time has gone. We have been through so much and I'm sure there are many out there were astonished that we made it through 5 years, so 20 years is a real surprise. We've had rocky roads, abandoned roads, smooth roads and beautiful roads. When I look back at the problems we faced - most of our own making - especially in those very early years, I am so very, very thankful that we stuck it out, held together, fought, argued, laughed & loved. It has been an amazing journey - every hardship just managed to bring us closer together.
To those young couples out there - marriage is hard - especially in the beginning. I often tell Brian that I would not want to repeat the first several years of our marriage. It is such a time of struggle as you change from a single person to a married person. From the freedom of only caring about yourself and what you want to trying to figure out the needs & wants of another person. The give & take is hard but as you go through those struggles, you grow and change. God uses those times to break you out of 2 selfish, self-centered molds and melt you into a new beautiful single mold. But like all new creations, there has to be some trimming, sanding & polishing. This takes time and it is very rare to go through this meshing without some growing pains. The key is to not give up, to not hold tight to your old beliefs but to find new beliefs together. Your goals is not to do what your parents or friends did but to find what works for your new family. Yes this means that you might have to do some things differently. You might find the bowls go on the bottom rack of the dishwasher, towels might be folded in half instead of thirds, the toilet paper might go under instead of over. Find out what is truly important (toilet paper, towels, dishes, toothpaste & socks on the floor are NOT!!!) and make a plan together on how those things will be in your household. Talk is not cheap.
I can't even begin to image what my life would have been like if we would not have stayed together. So much joy & love would have been lost. Josh may not be here today, Jason definitely would not be here today and that thought alone drives a sharp pain deep into my heart. There were so many times that we almost called it quits, gave up, walked away, stopped trying. And then there were those times when we held on so tight we couldn't breath. There were times when family or friends thought that being apart would be the best. I was too emotional, strong willed & crazy, Brian was too controlling and obsessive. For all of our differences, we were also a lot alike. We didn't want to be apart and in the beginning we struggled to figure out how to be together. In those early years (0 thru 10), it seems like we couldn't have a conversation without fighting. Our baseball friends even joked about it - especially on the days when it appeared like we were "getting along". I look at that now and actually laugh but it's also sad to think that was the outside perspective of our marriage.
The biggest change in our marriage came when we gave our lives to Christ. That was the main element missing from our marriage in the beginning. I am so thankful that God helped us to stay together, even though he was not our center. Brian & I always took our vows very seriously and it is a main reason why we were able to stay together - even when human logic told us we should split apart. Once we finally had God in our marriage and lives, the pieces really started to fit together. We started to see things from God's perspective and not ours. Today, things are still not perfect but they are wonderful & amazing - everyday. Even though I would not want to repeat any of our early years, I wouldn't trade them either. It is those early years of struggle that shaped and molded us into a couple held together by the love, forgiveness & mercy of our Heavenly Father.
So Brian, to you I say, Happy Anniversary. Thank you for choosing me, staying with me, loving me, forgiving me and being my forever partner. It has been an amazing 20 years and I hope & prayer that God gives us at least another 20 together and 20 more after that. We may not have appeared to be a likely couple but God knew better. I love you then, today and forever!!!
I can't believe how fast the time has gone. We have been through so much and I'm sure there are many out there were astonished that we made it through 5 years, so 20 years is a real surprise. We've had rocky roads, abandoned roads, smooth roads and beautiful roads. When I look back at the problems we faced - most of our own making - especially in those very early years, I am so very, very thankful that we stuck it out, held together, fought, argued, laughed & loved. It has been an amazing journey - every hardship just managed to bring us closer together.
To those young couples out there - marriage is hard - especially in the beginning. I often tell Brian that I would not want to repeat the first several years of our marriage. It is such a time of struggle as you change from a single person to a married person. From the freedom of only caring about yourself and what you want to trying to figure out the needs & wants of another person. The give & take is hard but as you go through those struggles, you grow and change. God uses those times to break you out of 2 selfish, self-centered molds and melt you into a new beautiful single mold. But like all new creations, there has to be some trimming, sanding & polishing. This takes time and it is very rare to go through this meshing without some growing pains. The key is to not give up, to not hold tight to your old beliefs but to find new beliefs together. Your goals is not to do what your parents or friends did but to find what works for your new family. Yes this means that you might have to do some things differently. You might find the bowls go on the bottom rack of the dishwasher, towels might be folded in half instead of thirds, the toilet paper might go under instead of over. Find out what is truly important (toilet paper, towels, dishes, toothpaste & socks on the floor are NOT!!!) and make a plan together on how those things will be in your household. Talk is not cheap.
I can't even begin to image what my life would have been like if we would not have stayed together. So much joy & love would have been lost. Josh may not be here today, Jason definitely would not be here today and that thought alone drives a sharp pain deep into my heart. There were so many times that we almost called it quits, gave up, walked away, stopped trying. And then there were those times when we held on so tight we couldn't breath. There were times when family or friends thought that being apart would be the best. I was too emotional, strong willed & crazy, Brian was too controlling and obsessive. For all of our differences, we were also a lot alike. We didn't want to be apart and in the beginning we struggled to figure out how to be together. In those early years (0 thru 10), it seems like we couldn't have a conversation without fighting. Our baseball friends even joked about it - especially on the days when it appeared like we were "getting along". I look at that now and actually laugh but it's also sad to think that was the outside perspective of our marriage.
The biggest change in our marriage came when we gave our lives to Christ. That was the main element missing from our marriage in the beginning. I am so thankful that God helped us to stay together, even though he was not our center. Brian & I always took our vows very seriously and it is a main reason why we were able to stay together - even when human logic told us we should split apart. Once we finally had God in our marriage and lives, the pieces really started to fit together. We started to see things from God's perspective and not ours. Today, things are still not perfect but they are wonderful & amazing - everyday. Even though I would not want to repeat any of our early years, I wouldn't trade them either. It is those early years of struggle that shaped and molded us into a couple held together by the love, forgiveness & mercy of our Heavenly Father.
So Brian, to you I say, Happy Anniversary. Thank you for choosing me, staying with me, loving me, forgiving me and being my forever partner. It has been an amazing 20 years and I hope & prayer that God gives us at least another 20 together and 20 more after that. We may not have appeared to be a likely couple but God knew better. I love you then, today and forever!!!
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