20 Years And Counting

Today marks the 20th year since Brian & I said "I Do".  So as we wait for this next chapter to begin - a new 20 years and a family addition in the future, I just have to reflect on where we've been and how we got to where we are today. 

I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  We have been through so much and I'm sure there are many out there were astonished that we made it through 5 years, so 20 years is a real surprise.  We've had rocky roads, abandoned roads, smooth roads and beautiful roads.  When I look back at the problems we faced - most of our own making - especially in those very early years, I am so very, very thankful that we stuck it out, held together, fought, argued, laughed & loved.  It has been an amazing journey - every hardship just managed to bring us closer together. 

To those young couples out there - marriage is hard - especially in the beginning.  I often tell Brian that I would not want to repeat the first several years of our marriage.  It is such a time of struggle as you change from a single person to a married person.  From the freedom of only caring about yourself and what you want to trying to figure out the needs & wants of another person.  The give & take is hard but as you go through those struggles, you grow and change.  God uses those times to break you out of 2 selfish, self-centered molds and melt you into a new beautiful single mold.  But like all new creations, there has to be some trimming, sanding & polishing.  This takes time and  it is very rare to go through this meshing without some growing pains.  The key is to not give up, to not hold tight to your old beliefs but to find new beliefs together.  Your goals is not to do what your parents or friends did but to find what works for your new family.  Yes this means that you might have to do some things differently.  You might find the bowls go on the bottom rack of the dishwasher, towels might be folded in half instead of thirds, the toilet paper might go under instead of over.  Find out what is truly important (toilet paper, towels, dishes, toothpaste & socks on the floor are NOT!!!) and make a plan together on how those things will be in your household.   Talk is not cheap.

I can't even begin to image what my life would have been like if we would not have stayed together. So much joy & love would have been lost.  Josh may not be here today, Jason definitely would not be here today and that thought alone drives a sharp pain deep into my heart.  There were so many times that we almost called it quits, gave up, walked away, stopped trying.  And then there were those times when we held on so tight we couldn't breath.  There were times when family or friends thought that being apart would be the best.  I was too emotional, strong willed & crazy, Brian was too controlling and obsessive.  For all of our differences, we were also a lot alike.  We didn't want to be apart and in the beginning we struggled to figure out how to be together.  In those early years (0 thru 10), it seems like we couldn't have a conversation without fighting.  Our baseball friends even joked about it - especially on the days when it appeared like we were "getting along".  I look at that now and actually laugh but it's also sad to think that was the outside perspective of our marriage. 

The biggest change in our marriage came when we gave our lives to Christ.  That was the main element missing from our marriage in the beginning.  I am so thankful that God helped us to stay together, even though he was not our center.  Brian & I always took our vows very seriously and it is a main reason why we were able to stay together - even when human logic told us we should split apart.  Once we finally had God in our marriage and lives, the pieces really started to fit together.  We started to see things from God's perspective and not ours.  Today, things are still not perfect but they are wonderful & amazing - everyday.  Even though I would not want to repeat any of our early years, I wouldn't trade them either.  It is those early years of struggle that shaped and molded us into a couple held together by the love, forgiveness & mercy of our Heavenly Father.

So Brian, to you I say,  Happy Anniversary.  Thank you for choosing me, staying with me, loving me, forgiving me and being my forever partner.  It has been an amazing 20 years and I hope & prayer that God gives us at least another 20 together and 20 more after that.  We may not have appeared to be a likely couple but God knew better.  I love you then, today and forever!!!